Twelve Steps to What?

There has been a bit of buzz on the net about AA lately. Some of the articles discuss major issues that need to be addressed but have been written by those who never needed AA. There are people who believe it is a cult, others would swear by it. But the reality seems to be that, in the end, only a small percentage of people, usually around 5 to 10%, have success because of the twelve step programs. 

Some of the ideas I wanted to talk about gelled reading an article on Salon. Drs. Lance and Zachary Dodes bring up some good points even though the article is a little self-serving. In this episode, I want to focus on the 12 steps that most AA-style programs; and yes there is Narcotics Anonymous, Gambling Anonymous and so on. I will address some of their points on rehab and other issues in my next episodes. But today, I will focus on the 12 steps.

For 12 step programs, these are key - the only way is through going through all of these 12 steps. Once you have a sponsor, you set up an action plan and move from step to step. Together, using the steps, you will break the cycle of addiction and be "cured". Up front, members of AA will tell you that this takes time. You might have been in the program for five years but only be on step 2. But that is fine, each person is different and some steps people move through faster then others. But what are these steps?

 

I have no issue with this step. Addiction is a complex problem which has both psychological and physiological components. My life did become unmanageable because of alcohol and I totally fucked up more than one. It is insidious and its tendrils poisons so much. And the “drug” of choice is powerful. 

When I relapsed, I honestly believed that I had control over the situation and alcohol didn’t have a hold on me anymore. But as you will see, I have a problem with the innocent word powerless which links most of the 12 steps.

 

This is the beginning of one of my major issues I have with the 12 step program – the God issue. Members of AA are quick to dismiss the worry by pointing out that most people believe in some sort of power, they may not call it God. And this step carefully states that. But this step falls into the trap that I believe that religion sets for people – we need a “higher” power to sort things out. It diminishes the friends and family that are around us who can supporting us. It shifts responsibility away from the person and the people around them to some mystical, power which has all the answers. Trust me, this becomes more and more evident with the next steps.

Okay, here I go: what the fuck? As Drs. Dodes ask: why can’t this ultimate power lie within the addict? Or the support network hopefully a person will have when dealing with their addiction? But again, that is the fantasy religion likes to weave. It preys on lonely, weak people. And an addict fits in that category. They are often alone and their self-worth is shit. It is seductive to be told that there is a loving and caring power that will help you carry your burdens. As Paul wrote in 1. Cor. 10:13: God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it. But, for me, it diminishes the person completely.

The doctors are brief on this step but are totally focused on the word moral and feel it has nothing to do with what they consider addiction to be – a disorder. For me, though, again addiction is complex. I don’t see it as a “disorder”. Thinking like that leads to doctors find pills to “cure” the problem and that is happening but that is for another episode. I do think there is a moral aspect to consider because morals have nothing to do with religion. It is what you think is right and wrong. Because of my addiction, I have done things that were wrong, based on my moral code. So yes, I believe you need to be fearless and make an inventory.

 

The doctors tie the next three steps into one and they are connected but I think each need to be addressed separately. Yes, I have issue with the God part but, again, I think it is important to reflect on the wrongs we have done because of our addiction. And I am not talking about the stupid stunts I did but serious things like the lying and other things that hurt people close to me. I lost good friends because I was toxic, not a person they wanted in their lives. I need to address this, with myself and those I have wronged.

Now here I go, once again: bullshit! Yes, I have tons of defects but c’mon! God is going to remove all of my defects? He/she/it is going to wave a magic wand and suddenly the defects are gone? Bloody hell, no. There is only one person in my life that can change, modify or deal with defects that lay in Louis C. Vroomen and that it me. And that is with reflection, counseling and being honest. Some mystical being ain’t gonna whisper an incantation and I will be all better. For me, once again, let's shift things away from the person. There is the aspect of nature versus nurture, but it comes down to ownership. By transferring one's defects elsewhere allows a person to ignore or dismiss them. It implicitly gives permission to the person you don't have to deal with it. This step minimizes things we don't want to deal with it. It says you don't have to confront the darkness that lurks in all of us. You don't have to do the real, hard work to improve yourself.

And this goes with the previous step. Hello! But this is a nice fantasy religion loves to propagate. A quick fix where you don’t have to do any work. God will do it all for you. Just sit back, believe and she/it/he will make it all better. Nyah, you don’t have to do any work. Nyah, you don’t have to actually confront the demons deep in you. Nyah, you don’t have to look inside yourself and see things you don’t like. Just transfer it and ignore it. Someone else will take care of you. This is a rubric I hate about religion. Oh, you have back problems, let us pray for you. Let us lay hands on you. We will, through the will of God, get rid of what ails you. Your shortcomings will disappear by divine intervention. Yeah, as if that would ever happen!

Here, one again, the author merges their comments on the next two steps. Most of my ire on the comments from the authors are for the next step but let’s address this one first. Once again, I believe it is important for an addict to stop and reflect. They often don’t know the damage they have caused because of their addiction. Yes, for some, there is the immediate and obvious like losing a wife or husband, their children, their job, etc. But the collateral damage extends beyond that. For me, this is an important step an addict needs to do. By looking back, you see the more subtle wrongs that have happened because of your addiction. Looking back makes you aware of the consequences that resulted in other peoples’ lives. We are not an island onto ourselves. We have impact on so many in our lives and an addict needs to see that. One of the biggest problems, I believe, that an addict faces is to step away from being self-absorbed. How else are you going to learn?

The authors send mixed messages with this step. On one hand, they express the importance of how apologies and reconciliation are powerful, liberating and uplifting. But then they throw in the idea of this echoing a fundamental religious principle of recovery is cleansing oneself of sin. Yes, AA was founded by religious people but nowhere, I mean, nowhere in this step does it mention sin. And then they assert that this step alters the timbre of treatment because it is an act of penance. Yes the word penance is loaded with religious connotations but it comes straight to the point. I do believe it is important to make amends. The act might rebuild broken bridges, but more importantly, it is an act to improve your self-worth. You have done wrong and you shouldn’t just leave it as bramble on the road you are journeying.

Here I was angered by the pithy comment by the doctors. For me, the key word is awareness. Their pithy response of awareness of this fact doesn’t help the problem. Huh? The author of this article, I assume it is Lance, is a psychotherapist. Yeah, we are aware of the wrongs we have done but do we understand them? Do we understand the consequences of what we have done? We need to own the damage we have wrought in other peoples’ lives. And, we have to take ownership of what we have done. We shouldn’t sweep it under the rug. But with these steps, this shouldn’t become an act of self- flagellation. We shouldn’t rip ourselves apart and degrade ourselves to the point of destroying our little feeling of self-worth. The focus needs to be that I am a better person now. I can’t change the past but I will try to do better in the future. 

Once again, I just shake my head and tell the program to shove it. First of all, adding the word meditation does not, in any way, hide the total bullshit that this step embraces. Mediation does not improve our conscious contact with God. It improves our conscious contact with ourselves. Yes, we need to do that, addicts and non-addicts alike. We have lost contact with ourselves; we have lost what makes every single individual “holy”. By meditation and reflection, we get back into contact with our core values, it reminds us what we consider valuable and makes us valuable. But sorry, God’s will for us is just another trap religion has in its arsenal. My life is my life. If I exist just to fulfill the wishes of a God, then I don’t have a life. I am just a puppet with it/her/him pulling the strings.

Here, once again the authors show their disdain for religion and miss a key point of this step. The key word they use is proselytizing. Again, a word that is loaded by religion. But, for me, it isn’t the idea of spiritual awakening but carrying the message and practicing principles. The best counselor, usually for an addict, is someone who is an addict or intimately knows an addict. We know, we understand what an addict is going through. We are not going to spew scientific details or wrap the problems up in religious gauze. We’ve hit rock bottom and suffered. My life is in shambles because of my addiction. I am struggling to get things back on track. It isn’t an easy journey. But many therapists or pastors would not be able to express this because they haven’t experienced it. I am not dismissing their worth in helping a recovering addict but I believe it takes one to know one. So yeah, I do believe in this step. But at the same time, I do see the undercurrent, the subtle message AA sends – once you have done the twelve steps, you need to go out there and tell others the only road to recovery is AA. There I will agree with the authors. 

As I will get into over the next few episodes, I have many issues with AA. But I do believe it provides a service and a potentially good first step for many people. For me, in the beginning, AA did provide me with some support and I appreciate they were there. I question the long term effects and results AA provides. I definitely have issues with the evangelical proponents of AA and the mindless adherence they have to this 12 step program. And over the next few days, I want to explore these points. 

But I want to leave with a brief aside based on my experiences. One of the biggest problems facing an addict is support. One of the most sobering  lessons many rehab centers try to teach is for an addict to review the important people they have in their lives. The counselors are straight to the point and ask that you look at these people and see if they are a good influence for your recovery.

The sad thing, for most addicts, all of their “friends” are addicts themselves. They have few to almost no people in their lives that could bring a positive influence in their ongoing recovery. That is an issue about rehab I will talk about soon because for that short time, you are in this safe cocoon but outside the real world is waiting. And it isn’t a pretty place for many people. 

We don’t have enough support out here, in the real world. AA does try to fill in a gap. It does address an extremely important need for a recovering addict. I suppose, in the end, it may have been great when the founders sorted out the principles back in the 1930s but doesn’t fully address the reality in 2014. Like the religion that was the foundation of AA, it hasn’t evolved over time. But I am hopeful because there is some movement in the field. More to come soon.