Reviewing

One of the toughest things about be an artist, is the reviews. People you do not know end up commenting, criticizing, or sucking up to you. This is patently obvious on the writer’s website I am submitting to. I wanted to share one in particular with you, on a short story I wrote, The Sacrifice. Here it is, in full:

I applaud your effort in writing this piece. I think this was a good writing exercise for you. Writers don’t like to hear that, and especially after writing 7,000 words. When you’ve written about one million words you’ll get the hang of writing. I’m not being condescending here; it takes that long.

The sentences structure was very staccato. Usually I have to tell writers to cull out their adjectives and adverbs, but you need to add a few. Color the scenes a little more. A few suggestions on grammar:

`I hope to be as him when I reach his age.’ Single quotation marks are only used inside of double quotation marks(in fact most all of these single quotations marks are misused)
Too many obscure reference “An áfÿlan echoed…” Just use a sprinkling of these words.

“Before eating himself…” dangling modifier. Was the king eating his own body?
Don’t fool yourself into think a publisher will fix all these problems because your idea is so great. He will not; in fact, he will throw your manuscript in the trash bin and move on to the next manuscript that is better prepared.

This is your best paragraph
“Every night, as he [lain] laid…. were extended to his hounds.” I really got a sense of the character of the king here. Write more like this.

I would write a few more of these short stories before tackling the novel. A short story is the best way to hone your writing skills. Do keep wring; it’s the only way to improve. Best of luck.

Tom

Denver, Colorado

Now, urbis is meant to be a place where people review other people’s stuff. When I review a piece, I focus on the strengths and weaknesses of the piece. For me, the reason we are there is to improve our craft.

Whereas he had some points about the story, it was wrapped with this condescending tone. What immediately irked me was the comment about writing one million words, and then I’ll get the hang of it. I have passed that point some time ago. I have written over 45 short stories and about 1000 pages for Tangled Threads. Of course then there was the comment on publishers. One of the reasons I am on urbis there is to improve my pieces so I can submit my stuff to a publisher.

True, he has been published through Ghost Road Press, an independent publishing company in his home town. Which has a catalogue of around 18 books. I have yet to be published. And he most likely has more time to focus on writing, I don’t.

As I said, I take reviewing seriously. And I do not make asides like that. Even my most critical reviews focus on the work, not the person (save one). The only way an artist can get better is by receiving constructive criticism.

In a previous post, I mention the importance of a mentoring system. People like me really want to help other writers improve their craft, take them under our wing. Let them learn and grow in a nurturing environment. Of course, we cannot protect them from the harsh reality of the real world, but we can temper it.

And I want to have people help me. Over the past while, it has been interesting to see how a small community of writers have formed around me. Of the five or six people in this circle, the minute a new piece is available, I review it. And they do the same for me. A great camaraderie is evolving.

I am not naive about the publishing world. I know when a publisher gets an unsolicited submission, you are lucky if they read the first whole page. You have to grab them, fast. Then you have to be consistent because the minute they put the manuscript down, it will be forgotten and sent back.

That is how I approach reviewing a piece on urbis. There have been pieces I’ve finished only because I need the credits. And then I will let them know about setting up a hook. And if it doesn’t make sense, I say so. Here is an example of one of my reviews:

Whereas your piece starts off interesting, it veers off into directions which make no sense. At the end, you don’t pull the threads together in any way.

I have no problem with going off on tangents but what does graven images and Islam have to do with a bleeding rectum? Or the Red Sox? In the end, I didn’t get it.

For me, reviewing means one must put aside one’s ego and focus on the piece. Does it work or not? Are there structural problems? Does it flow? Are there other problems. And then provide suggestions or points for the writer to ponder when revising the piece.

I have had many excellent reviews for all 5 pieces I have placed on urbis. Many of them have pointed to mistakes or problems with suggestions. It has allowed me to revise Morbid Angel into a better piece. Here is a good example of a constructive review, for Sédanta:

My suggestion is that you invest in a Thesaurus…not just any old thesaurus, one you will be comfortable enough to fall in love with. A book so second to your nature you carry it with you – can’t imagine life without it, use it.

I offer this advice to you because your story-telling capabilities are sound and kept me intrigued but your consistent and repeated over-use of the same words completely turned me off. It was a struggle to continue reading.

For example: At the very beginning of your story, you used gaze four times within two paragraphs. I was already losing interest by then (thinking – OH Man, does he do this all the way down…and sighing).

Let me know if you post any revisions. I enjoy the re-drafts!

-Paula

Paula pointed out a few things I have to work on. And when I went back, I could see her points. Because of this review I will be able to tightened the chapter and maybe entice a publisher.

Finally, a review can also be words of encouragement. And voices of an audience you did not think of. Here is a review from a British 16 year old:

a brilliant story! have you planned on writing another story abou the evil that will decend?
And i love all the names (both people and place names), they help set the scene just as much as the description does

or a 46 year old who writes pulp fiction style novels:

Very Good, there is some very interesting backstory here just waiting to be revealed! Are the druids behind the former king’s dementia? Who is this second son, a rogue bastard prince? Your style reminds me a great deal of George R.R. Martin and his Games of Thrones series. I look forward to seeing more. I believe you will be a writer to watch for.
Bill

Reviewing has two functions: help the writer improve his/her craft and give him/her encouragement to continue. And anything personal should be left at the door. If you can’t be objective, don’t be a review. Become a critic.