Friendship

I have been getting some interesting feedback on the stuff I have posted on urbis. The most interesting had been some of the responses on my poem, A Precious Few, especially the last stanza:

True friendship
Few and far between.
True friendship
Cherish the ones you have.

More than one person has commented that I am being cliched. That has stopped me and made me think.

When I first wrote the poem back in the mid 80's, it was a statement about the sad state of affairs with people. People are all too quick to classify anyone a friend. Someone is nice to them, they are a friend. Someone bought them a beer, they are a friend. Someone invited them to a BBQ, they are a friend. But that is not friendship.

I have known many people. Almost none would be classified as a friend. They were buddies or acquaintances. When times got rough, they weren't around. Their idea of support was to get me drunk or be pedantic and say things will get better.

I am not an easy person to be with. I have way too many demons haunting me. Some go back to my teenage years with my father. Yet those I call friends take me for what I am. I am moody, I have hissy fits. I pull back and don't talk to them for weeks. They know that and don't care.

But when I need support, I get it. And it is honest, unflinching support. They have no problems telling me I am being an asshole and get over it. Or drive me to the Douglas because I am having a breakdown, without judgment. Hug me when I am down and mean it. Revel with excitement when I make a positive step.

And when you lose a friend, it hurts, I mean hurts big time. Over ten years ago, I lost two friends, Mario and Colette because they broke up and I got caught in the middle. They demanded I chose sides but I couldn't because they were both important to me, so I lost both. And I still miss them.

Friendship is an intimate thing, just one step down from a marriage or partnership. You don't have many of them. True friendships are precious.

At work, I know and work with a lot of people. Yet none of them are friends. There are a couple of people where a friendship may develop, but they are co-workers. None of them will cover my back or be there is things gets fucked up. We'll go out and have a drink, play some pool. But that is as far as it goes.

It is the same at my local, Brutopia. My gang are great. We have a laugh, a few drinks, help each other out with a free DVD or hard disc, but nothing deeper. We're just buddies.

But in our current society, with the blurring of context and PC warmth, what a friend has been lost. Everyone is our friend, let's have a group hug. Argh! I don't need the immediacy they see what friendship is.

A friend is there, through thick and thin. They are a lighthouse you can rely on. They are there for the good times and bad. That is my take on friendship. And how I am as friend. I do not get pissed off when they call at 3 in the morning because they need talk. I don't admonish them when they throw-up all over my bathroom, hitting everything but the toilet. I will take a day off from work if a friend is in trouble. I will give my last 20 bucks to a friend, even though I won't get paid for another four days.

So, yeah I know a lot of people. And that is great. But I can count the number of friends on one hand. That is why I consider friendship precious. Buddies come and go. Friends don't.