Outing

This is a hot-button topic for anyone in the gay community.

For a lot of straight people, the concept of ‘outing’ is foreign. They don’t get it. They argue that what someone does in their private life should be private so why go after celebrities, politicians, etc. and force them out of the closet? Just let them live their lives.

But they have no idea how damaging and restricting the closet is. And I see the closet as an apt metaphor. A gay person is constricting their personal life to a small space where really no one can come into. And closets become filled with clutter, making space more and more a premium. It causes long term psychological damage.

But growing up gay is very different than to other ‘minorities’ in our society. Be it people of colour or ethnic background, a child growing up has a wide base to grow up in. Be it Jewish or black, there is family and friends. There is a history to draw on.

I will use Jews as an example. They have grandparents that can tell them about things like the pogroms and life in exile. They have exile literature to remind the living of the fate of the dead. They can look to the past and find strength when there are troubles. For the most part, gay people do not have that.

And we do not have heroes. In the 60s, many African-Americans had people like Martin Luther King Jr or Malcolm X to look to. They had advocates or voices that might help during difficult times.

We have never had a force like Martin Luther King Jr. We do not have people out in the public like Morgan Freeman or Sidney Poitier. We do not have a firebrand like Barack Obama in the US Senate.

That is the point behind outing. If we have more out gay people in the spotlight, it would help mitigate the anti-gay rhetoric. Many of the false images the homophobes used to dismiss us could be thrown back in their face.

I know, for myself, something like that would have helped me tremendously when I was dealing with my budding sexuality. If there had been people like Sir Ian McKellen around I could have seen you can be gay and make it. It would have given me a faint sliver of hope to combat the terror I was going through.

That is what drives ‘outing’, often to an extreme. Gay groups target celeberaties like Tom Cruise, arguing that if someone like him was out it was help many young gay teenagers. The straight population pull back in horror, standing on that is not right. What he does in private is his business.

That hackneyed response gets my blood boiling. I live in a society where people’s private life is constantly shoved in my face. I will be on the Metro and see couples giving each other tonsilillectomies. TV and movies portray the most intimate details of their private lives. That is okay but gay people should keep their sexuality private. Don’t ask, don’t tell?

It is okay for me to be bored to death with Bill Clinton’s little escapades. Or who Brad Pitt is with today. I get intimate details whether I want to not.

Our current society is voyeuristic, which disgusts me. Be in the newspaper, TV or in the office, gossip abounds. But it is alright to bring up the private lives of heterosexuals. If you are gay, then you have to keep it private. What kind of message does that send to young gay people?

But on the flip side, there are gay groups that actively try to out people who are in the spotlight, damn the consequences. For the most part, I am against this. Outing can destroy a career, especially in Hollywood. It could cause more damage than the closet does. And the same goes for politicians.

Yet there is one case I stand behind the idea of forcing someone out of the closet. There are gay people in power that use their power to persecute gay people. A good example is Roy Cohn.

He was a man with power and helped Joseph McCarthy during his witchhunts in early 50s. It should be remembered, the targets were not just Communists but also homosexuals. The Senate hearings destroyed many lives and here is a gay man actively persecuting other gay people. Here outing may have prevented some of the destruction he precipitated.

As a gay man, I believe it is important to have gay history, literature and heroes. It will not get rid of homophobia but gives gay people strength and resolve. But pulling people out of the closet is not the answer.

Many of the people I have met that advocate forced outing were guys who never were in the closet. So they have not seen the world through the cracks of a closet door. They are confused why people seem to want to stay in the closet. Everyone should be out.

And they should, but along their timetable. I was in closet for close to twenty years and out of the closet for over ten years. A huge weight was lifted from me when I came out. But if I had been outed, I think it would have shattered my life. It may not have, this is just pure speculation.

But when I came out, it was on my accord. I outed myself. It was an important step for me, because it was something that I decided to do. The sense of accomplishment is hard to describe.

So generally, I am against outing. But I am against the argument that what I do in my private life should be kept private. If I had a boyfriend, I want to be able to walk down the street holding hands. I want to be able to share what happened over dinner at work when my co-workers talk about what they did.

It is a constant battle. And all too often, I find being out a daily fight. I am constantly outing myself. But I am doing it on my own terms and conditions, not someone else’s. That is the difference. It was my choice and my decision. And that is the way it should be.