Barebacking

You want a subject that creates a firestorm in the gay community, this is. This is a hot button topic and it shouldn’t be.

Barebacking is having anal sex without a condom. And for me one of the most stupidest things anyone can do. As one local columnist in Montreal aptly put it, you might as well put a loaded gun to your head.

Personally, I do not like condoms. But they are a necessity in today’s sexual arena. And it is not just because of AIDS/HIV but lots of other goodies you can get.

Safer sex (I hate the term safe sex!) is a requirement unless you are in a pure monogamous relationship. And for most gay men, the idea of monogamy is foreign. So danger lurks in every anus out there.

It is a simple situation. Be is straight or gay, when you have multiple partners, you are having sex with history. You are not alone with that partner. And you may be sharing more than just sex.

Thing is, STDs have become manageable. AIDS now for many people is like diabetes. You get it, it is not a death sentence. It is a manageable condition with the right drugs. Death is deferred to years into the future, so it is not a deterrent.

But the indiscriminate sexual behaviour we have brings in new, more virulent strains and it is it not just AIDS. Before syphilis or gonorrhoea could be cleared up with penicillin. There are strains out there now heavy duty stuff can’t take care of.

But what makes barebacking even more disgusting is the complete lack of regard for the other person. Many within the gay culture revel in the idea of having sex when they want to and as many times as they want to.

For me, this dehumanizes the partner you are with. Having sex with two or three persons in one night is a simple case of masturbation. You are getting your rocks off and the person with you is just a vessel to do so.

I find something hollow in the one night stands, and I have had a few. You wake up and can’t remember their name let alone what they like. You had that moment of orgasm and that is it. I might as well have be masturbating with my toys.

Way back, AIDS was a scary thing. The idea of becoming HIV positive was terrifying. It condemned people to a long and lingering death. And I lost few people that way. It cast a pall over the gay community and brought a sense of responsibility toward sex. But once the cocktails came into our lives, the ‘death’ sentence was gone and people went back to their old habits.

For me, human beings (male or female) are not naturally monogamous. But unlike the animals around us, we do not have a period of heat where we runt and burn off our sexual energy and have kids. We are always in heat. And that is why we have such a plethora of STDs. Nature’s way of trying to teach us responsibility but no one is listening.

We live in a society where love is equated to sex. And how many teenage girls have gotten pregnant because of that line: If you love me you’ll have sex with me. We live in a society where our personal gratification is tantamount. My satisfaction is more important than yours. Talk about objectifying your fellow human being.

The “I don’t give a shit” attitude behind barebacking is scary. And it is something that people should be concerned about. The casual attitude to AIDS/HIV is dangerous. The long term results can be devastating.

Someone who is diabetic did not choice in the matter. And in many places, the cost of their insulin is covered. Yet young gay people are expecting the same blanket. If they become HIV positive, oh well, I’ll just go onto a cocktail. And for what? Getting their rocks off?

Barebacking is a one of the many things I see about me in our current society that is a cancer. We live in a society where people are self-absorbed and see others as just vehicles. A means to an end.

I care about the people about me, even those I work with. Maybe that it is why people talk to me and tell me their problems and secrets. I cannot be callous and just see other people as cattle, objects for me to play with. And I can be as self-absorbed as those around me.

But I am not an island onto myself. I have been with vampires who want to suck out our energy just for their own pleasure and need. And they end up becoming cold and bitter people. When things get tough, they have no one to turn to.

I have been blessed. I have friends like Brian, Jude and Errol who I have known for over 20 years. We’ve had our tough times and fall outs. At times my life rivals plot lines in soap operas. But they are still an integral part of my life. And I have gotten some new friends along the way.
I look about me and see people who have no life. They use and abuse their friends to get what they want. So friendship becomes quick and fleeting. And that is a constant within much of the gay community.

They know alot of people but have no real friends. The centre of their universe is themselves and the others are there for them. So when shit hits the fan, they find themselves alone.

It is sad commentary but a reality in our current society. Be it straight or gay, people are obsessed with themselves. People around them are accessories and only useful when necessary. Love is but a vehicle to satisfaction. And the end result is people are sick and dying. And lonely.